Lived experiences are diverse, unique, and valued, each bringing insights that enrich our workplaces and our understanding of family violence and sexual assault.
We know that many practitioners in the family violence, sexual assault and child wellbeing workforces have their own lived experience of violence and abuse, and that this experience is the motivating factor in doing the work. Supervisors need to be sensitive to this reality and approach supervision sessions with this in mind.
Lived experience may be brought up at any point of the supervisory relationship. I wanted to talk to you about the home visit I did last Friday. Yes. I was wondering how it went.
What happened?
Oh, well, I had a reaction that really caught me by surprise. I was observing the interaction between mum, Chris and a six year old daughter, Lucy. And Lucy was needing her mum and acting more like a younger kid. And she was climbing up on Chris and wanting to be picked up, and I could tell it was upsetting her mum. Chris tried to ignore her and eventually snapped, telling Lucy to stop it. It kind of reminded me of myself at the same age.
I've... I've never told you this before, but my dad used to use violence towards my mum for years until they separated when I was around five years old. And seeing Lucy need her mum, it was just so painful for me to watch. And it scared me just how much the feelings overwhelm me. I feel privileged that you feel safe enough to share this with me.
It sounds like you had a pretty strong emotional reaction, which makes sense. You are human after all. And all of us are affected by this work at some point.
Exploring lived experience and the emotional impact of the work needs to occur collaboratively. Supervisors need to walk alongside supervisees and ask what support they require to set them up for success in their role.
Developing a supervision agreement early in the relationship is an opportunity to discuss the line between supervision and counseling.
What happened next? Oh well I had to walk away because I was going to tear up. So I walked over to the other side of the room, looked out the window, and then I walked back to Chris and Lucy.
It's okay to feel what we feel. The important thing is how we cope in those moments. I love how you were able to do reflection in action during the visit. And were able to ground yourself and regroup. Lots of people struggle with that, especially by themselves. So well done.
My reaction surprised me, though. Do you think it's likely to happen again? Look, to be honest, I don't know. But if it does, you have some tools to help you come back to being present.
What feelings and thoughts were you having when you were at the window? So I focused on the tree and the sunlight and said to myself, you’re okay. That was in the past and I am here for you now, knowing that my younger self was struggling and needed comfort. And in terms of feelings, I felt sad. And I still feel sad. Sad about the way violence, stress and chaos can impact on all aspects of life. Like the connection between mums and kids.
So true. It is sad. If that strategy didn't work, what other things could you have done to return to being present? The decision to disclose one's lived experience is a highly personal one, and while some practitioners are very open about their lived experiences, others will choose not to disclose or will share with certain work colleagues, but not others.
Sometimes practitioners fear experiencing negative biases, judgement, and assumptions from colleagues after they share their lived experience. Supervision can provide a space to discuss and address these underlying fears and attitudes. Without fear of further backlash or judgement. This is the first time you've told me your lived experience.
Is this something you want to keep private? I haven't told anyone else except another friend who's in another team. I wouldn't want anyone to make assumptions or think I can't do the work. I doubt anyone would think that. But I understand your concerns. We get how the work can bring stuff up for us. In terms of keeping it private.
I can do that. I won't tell anyone unless I'm worried about your wellbeing. But even then, the only person I would share this with is my manager and possibly H.R.. It is your story to tell, and I'm glad you felt you could trust me.
Given we got a bit more personal than usual in our supervision. Is it okay if I check in in a couple of days to see how you're going? To be honest. I prefer if you just touched base with me next week during supervision. No problem. Let's do that.
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